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Month: October 2017

Body Image Impacts Sexual Experiences

Posted on October 6, 2017 in Uncategorized

Research has found that body image and sexual anxiety are predictive of sexual esteem, sexual assertiveness, and avoidance of sexual activity. The research study contributes to the literature of sexual satisfaction in single women aged 30-50 by studying self-esteem, body image, and sexual knowledge. There is a gap in the literature examining sexual satisfaction within the age group of women 30-50 years of age. Walkers’ findings suggest that recommendations for further studies be conducted to focus on these variables in the level of relationship commitment whether a couple is dating infrequently or they are single. Because the variables of self-esteem, body image, sexual knowledge, and sexual satisfaction using an older population have not been studied collectively, it is not known whether sexual experiences are influenced positively or negatively by self-esteem, body image, and sexual knowledge. Individuals may blame their sexual dissatisfaction on sexual dysfunction.

As a woman becomes more familiar physiologically with her body, she can begin to become more aware of how her body will respond when she is sexually stimulated. Many women seek counseling, and those problems that present in the counseling session are rooted in depression. Research studies have stated that the symptoms of depression stem from unsatisfying relationships. Some women have sought help in counseling guidance for relationship problems that are often sexually based. People are almost totally incapable of experiencing a satisfying sexual relationship, whether it is from intercourse, heavy petting, and so forth, without a positive image of their body or normal level of self-esteem. The literature review describes how the self image of the body is developed and formed by environmental factors. Women shape their body image by many factors such as family influence, friends, and media. Many women compare themselves to what society has set as the ideal. The self-efficacy theory will be applied to the variable of body image, which is the second component of the theoretical framework to support the research study. Women’s beliefs and their capabilities to form either a positive or negative image of the body influence the outcome of their sexual experience. Individuals are more likely to continue their efforts until success is achieved if their perceived self-efficacy is high. Increased self-efficacy has been shown to be related to behaviors associated with weight loss and self image of the body.

The literature review describes the environmental factors that contribute to the development of women’s body image. The self-efficacy theory is applied to support the development of body image and one’s capabilities and beliefs to successfully engage in the possession of a positive body image. The literature review analyzes the studies that have been conducted on women and body image. The dissatisfaction of body image plays a significant role in a woman’s self-esteem and how she perceives herself to the world. The self-efficacy theory can be applied to the development of women’s body image in this research study. The theory refers to one’s beliefs in one’s capabilities to successfully engage in specific behaviors. Therefore, the way a woman feels about her body and if she believes she has a positive image of her body, she will successfully engage in positive behaviors. A person who has a negative or positive body image is affected in their sexual pleasure and its relationship to satisfaction.

Premarital Counseling: Ten Ways to Increase Sexual Intimacy Through Couples Counseling

Posted on October 4, 2017 in Uncategorized

So many couples don’t discuss important aspects of marriage until AFTER they’re married. Will you have children? Will both of you work, or just one of you? Where will you live? Who will be in charge of which chores? How much personal time will you give each other? How do you both see finances in marriage?

Talk about the ten B’s, and build a healthy marriage that lasts many, many years. Avoid the misunderstanding and misconception caused by putting off the B’s! I will provide you both a safe place, a plan, and guidance to talk about the following aspects of marriage intimacy.

Business. What are your career prospects and attitudes about work? How do you envision your life together? What are your most important goals? How do you see your work life together?

Baby. How do you feel about having a child, or not? Would either of you like more than one? How do you want to raise the child? Have you talked about discipline?

Bottle. Concerning alcohol and drugs, I am surprised how many couples aren’t aware of their partner’s habits and tendencies. In premarital couples counseling we can safely discuss your values and behaviors with alcohol and drugs.

Bedroom. What are your expectations and preferences sexually? What attitudes and values do you hold? What about infidelity?

Bank. Money and financial issues are one of the biggest causes of divorce. I will provide you with constructive ways to talk about responsibilities, budgeting, and financial history aspects of relationship. Do you want the freedom to buy items without your partner’s approval? How do you want to handle debt, and the money that is earned?

Beliefs. Compatibility and personality differences can be turned in to strengths. How do your values, religion, and politics impact your relationship?

Broom. Explore home issues before unspoken habits trip you up. What kind and how big of home do you want to live in? Who’s in charge of what chores? How clean and tidy do you keep house?

Blemishes. What are the imperfections or baggage that you’d rather talk about now? No one is perfect, and we all have baggage. Do each of your parents want to see you a little, or quite a bit? This is good to discuss to prevent blemishes related to extended family.

Body. Are there any body issues that you want to discuss? What happens if and when one of you gets ill?

Belly. What are your food preferences? I’m surprised how many clients have food arguments about the different ways they like to eat and exercise. Do you get in to your N.O.C.T.: NO ONE CAN TELL me what to do – over food?

In premarital counseling, talk about the ten B’s to help you explore the need to be yourself, and the need for connection, so that you can develop a more mature sense of your self, and a more mature connection in your marriage. You can prevent the power struggles so common for all of us while growing your sense of self and building a foundation for adult sexual intimacy. I will provide you with communication skills to enhance your marriage, plus offer you conflict resolution skills for those difficult moments. Imagine the depth of your vows to one another as you learn through couples counseling how to grow who you are individually, and how to grow the emotional intimacy between you. Then can avoid the intimacy problems in your healthy marriage together, and include more sexual intimacy between you!

I originally learned about the ten B’s in my five year, Integrative Body Psychotherapy training, 1990-1995, and I’ve adapted them a bit for this article. Why not see for your selves how talking with a trained third party can enhance your premarital, and marital, lives!

Male Sexual Arousal – How Lap Dances and Strip Clubs Affect Male Sexual Desire, Arousal and Behavior

Posted on October 1, 2017 in Uncategorized

A man has been lying to his wife. For months he has been secretly going out at night to exotic dance clubs, hobnobbing with strippers, and getting lap dances (which he chooses to believe are “innocent” and “harmless”). He has been enjoying his own secret little world that brings him a sense of sensual arousal and illicit overall body pleasure. He tells himself he is “not cheating.” Inevitably however, after some indefinite amount of time, his wife discovers what he has been doing. To his surprise, dismay and disappointment, his spouse is not so receptive or accepting. She is enraged, furious, hurt, devastated and maybe even feeling and behaving out of control. He may be at risk of losing everything – his marriage, his home, and his family.

At this point, the man often feels, “I’ve got to find a way to turn this around. I am attracted to my wife. I love her dearly. She’s beautiful. She’s been good to me. She takes good care of our children. I don’t want a divorce. I want to find a way to make it up to her. I thought I was being real ‘cool’ going to these clubs. I realize now how immature I was.”

Then, the question arises: Why have you been going to see strippers? Why are you paying for lap dances when you have a beautiful wife at home, who you say you love?

The answer, if the man is being honest, sometimes goes like this. “I’m attracted to my wife, but she expects me to “perform” for her or she expects me to always initiate sex. She thinks I don’t desire her because I have not been so interested in being intimate with her lately. Truth is, I’m sometimes afraid of her. She expects me to always be ready and to satisfy her. Lately, she gets angry if I fall short of her expectations – especially since she knows I have received gratification from some of these other women.”

So what is it about strip clubs, strippers and lap dances that causes some men to eagerly return for more while neglecting his readily available wife who he claims to love?

A typical male response might be: “At the dance clubs, I can relax, be myself, have a few drinks, listen to music and watch some beautiful bodies moving slowly, seducing me into a state of arousal. I might invite one of these beautiful young ladies to my table. She might smile at me, perhaps touching my arm, or whispering something seductive into my ear. She might call me honey or baby, offering to make me feel good if I want to dance with her.”

At home, when it comes to sexual desire, some men will say, “I often feel like a frightened child about to be scolded by his angry mother.” They might share that at the club they have sometimes overheard other men say: “I have to go home and do my old lady,” as if it is some chore or drudgery to get through, instead of the pleasurable experience that true intimacy can be.

What do strippers and exotic dancers do that men are craving but not receiving at home?

First, the man is totally receiving. There is nothing he has to do but be there. The woman does all the flirting and seducing. She moves her body seductively. She may gradually remove some of her clothing. She may arch her back and stick her butt out, “an acceptance position” known to trigger sexual arousal in male mammals. Some strippers will not touch the guys at all, but will come very close to touching the men’s faces with her breasts, her crotch, her butt, etc. However, most strippers will touch and do allow touching, even if they are technically not supposed to. It is all about what will make them the most money. Then there are the special “Champagne rooms.” For a very high hourly fee, a man can spend some time in a very private room with the woman of his choice. Here, she may offer additional sexual favors that she claims to only provide for “special” customers.

Second, the exotic dancer’s goal is to stimulate the man, tease him, act as if he is a master at arousing her, and to continually promise him greater and greater pleasure. She makes no demands, appears to have no expectations of him, and gives him no arguments. But there is also no real back and forth communication (except allowing him to voice his unhappiness and frustrations with his life, his marriage or whatever) and there is no love. Sometimes a man begins to feel “love” for an exotic dancer, but what he love is only the image she is presenting and the way she is pleasing him. He most probably doesn’t have a clue about who she really is.

The truth about exotic dancers is this. The girl is there to: support a habit, support her family, earn some money for a specific goal, or as a quick fix for an uneducated, unskilled woman to earn a hefty sum of money. This is a recession proof business – and it is a business, big business. Men have needs, and when times get tough, these needs are often exacerbated. Some men will seek a way to escape and feel good, even if only for a few hours.

Behind their smiles, erotic movements, and seductive words, many of these women actually feel disgust for the men. They don’t like the way these men “get off” on total strangers. They despise the men for “cheating” on their spouses and significant others.
And their only goal is to get as much money as they possibly can by keeping each man aroused and coming back for more.

The man who frequents strip clubs is getting his own narcissistic needs met for attention, arousal, stimulation and praise. He is actually depriving himself of the opportunity for true intimacy, closeness, communication and unraveling of his deepest childhood fears and insecurities. His wife suffers from that same lack of intimacy.

The solution is for each partner to take responsibility for the demise of their intimacy, to take the bull by the horn, to dig in their heels, to get the sexual counseling they can both benefit from, and to literally start their sexual relationship all over again. Literally, beginning all over, they ought to shake hands and say, “Hi. My name is…. I can offer you something wonderful, make you feel better than you have ever felt before, if you will only spend the time to get to know me….”

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